Wednesday, April 13, 2005

A sense of finality

Last night was the final Big Sur Marathon Training Clinic and I won a prize for perfect attendance! Aren't I special? Yeeaaaahhh!

The topic of the clinic was final preparations, basically sketching out what we need to be thinking of on the day before the race.

My final preparations include:

1) Completing my living will. I don't want a feeding tube unless it delivers pureed Krispy Kreme donuts. Then I want three feeding tubes.

2) Completing my last will and testiment. I've already willed by most valuable posession: my Playstation 2. I hope my friend's thumbs can withstand the arthritis.

3) Carbo-loading. This is my favorite part. Pass the bread... pudding!

4) Staying off my feet in the two days leading up to the race. Isn't it ironic that my final prep for the marathon involves a reversion to my former lifestyle? I plan on taking to the couch with a vengeance, perhaps watching all three old Star Wars movies and then the first two Godfather films. (Confidential to Fredo: You broke my heart.)

5) Packing my "marathon bag." This all-important sack contains all you need to get through the morning of the race. Mine will include Xanax to calm my nerves, a pre-filled syringe of Morphine to dull the pain, several fried peanut-butter and bannana sandwiches for energy, and a picture of my dear Priscilla.

Hey- wait, how did I get Elvis's marathon bag? (Oh well, I'll roll with it. I already have his hair.)

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