Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Imprisoned in the gym...

888:10 mins.Treadmill11:01 mins./mi.

Eat it, Eminem, today was my day for 8 mile. As my alarm buzzed at 6:05 a.m., I awoke to the pitter-patter of rain on the window. When the going gets wet, the wet head to the gym. Running on a treadmill stinks. It's kind of like being a Vikings fan. You work a lot, and don't ever get anywhere. Plus I can't ever get my pace right. Too fast. Too slow. There are other disadvantages to the gym, too, which I will summarize in convenient list form. Don't say I never did nothin' for you.

Running outside vs. the gym.

Outside, I look at the ocean, the trees, people at bus stops and the athletic forms of my fellow runners.
In the gym, I look at that 75-year-old guy on the stairmaster, the dirty carpet, and the ever-rippling movement of my torso.

Outside, I smell the fresh sea breeze, the piney zest of the trees and diesel exhaust.
In the gym, I smell the stale stank of 1,000 armpits past, the mildew mustiness of the locker-room showers and my own surprisingly pleasant aroma. The bouquet transports me back to high school. Towel-snap anyone?

(I have a tendancy to bellow to inspire myself on long runs.)
Outside, my yell sounds triumphant as I plod along.
In the gym, my yell marks me as a deranged lunatic, and garners looks from the aforementioned 75-year-old guy on the starmaster.

Outside, my heavy breathing powers me to achieve.
In the gym, my heavy breathing inhales more germs than they keep at the Centers for Disease Control.
Outside, me breath marks me as a champion.
Inside, my gasping sends the gym staff searching for the defibrilator.
Outside, when my nose starts to run, I blow it, and I spit on the ground.
In the gym, when my nose starts to run, I blow it, and I spit on the carpet. Then they kick me out and revoke my membership.

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