Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Eating anxiety

There's nothing like stepping on a scale to make you neurotic about what you eat. In last night's elation over a bit of newfound swiftness, I neglected to mention the results of my most recent trip to the scale. I apparently weigh 235 pounds, five or so pounds less than when I started this thing, but five or so pounds more than three weeks ago.

I've increased my distance. I've greatly increased my amount of physical activity. I can get up from my desk without getting winded. But I still weigh as much as ever.

I've tried to be good. I drink orange juice. I drink something called "drinkable yogurt," an pink substance that looks like pepto but tastes like yoplait. I order SALADS WITH NO CHEESE and DRESSING ON THE SIDE, for godness sakes. I have my slip-ups, sure. Pizza and cheeseburgers and beer. But not so often. Not nearly as often as I used to. But I'm just not sure that a life without some junk food now and then is a life well-lived.

I don't make afternoon candy runs to the vending machine anymore. I try to keep a banana on hand in case I get hungry. I chug water like Yeltsin chugged vodka, like a Hummer chugs premium. My kidneys work harder than David Crosby's liver. I pee once an hour, for g-d's sake.

But people still call me big guy.

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